I find it difficult to be myself

When I ask my significant other, “How should I act in this situation?” he always tells me to be myself. It’s a sweet thing for him to say. He likes who I am, he wants me to be me. But it’s a difficult task. I have not heard stories of people with as much difficulty acting as themselves, so this is vulnerable territory for me. However, I wanted to share my story in the hopes that others don’t feel so alien in their own situations.

Why I find it difficult to just “be myself”:

  1. I find it too personal to show people how sensitive and emotional I can be.
  2. How can I be myself when no one can handle me?
  3. It is more natural for me to adapt my actions to each situation than enter the situation as myself already.
  4. Sometimes, I really have no idea who I am.

Can you relate to any of these thoughts? I’d love to hear about them. Send me your stories!

For those who might still be puzzled at my line of thinking, here goes:

1. I find it too personal to show people how sensitive and emotional I can be.

I have found that the majority of people I interact with find my personality to be, how should I say this, ‘overwhelming’. I laugh too much, smile too much and 'over-exaggerate' (in their eyes). When I find something truly funny, I laugh, do the whole stamp my feet, hit my thighs, and squat routine. People look at me as if I’ve gone insane, as if I’m acting inappropriately for finding amusement. Scoffs, sarcastic comments, even downright disses have been thrown my way for the way I act.

In the moment, I feel as if I am acting on instinct, not thinking too much about why I say the things I say or do. If I ask someone how they are doing, I get a confused look. I find it baffling. Is the person surprised I pick up on negative feelings, surprised that I actually asked about it, or is s/he wondering who the heck I am to be asking such a personal question? I have come to realize that the way I act and speak are unlike the majority of people around me.

It's demeaning to constantly be with people who aren’t accepting of who you are.

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