Making the decision to be positive was a huge leap of faith.
It was not something I chose with any sort of reasoning or long thought process (uncharacteristic of HSP’s I know). It’s something I chose out of necessity. It was either continue with my barren, barely-there existence or give myself a fighting chance. At the time, I felt that deciding to be positive was the most illogical choice I have ever made. But my path of negativity was devouring me too quickly to ignore.
It’s actually very difficult to talk about. As a highly sensitive person, feeling everything so strongly, I felt there were many reasons to be negative. Life throws curveballs, fastballs, sliders, and lots of other baseball pitches I hardly know. My point is, even if I could see trouble coming, it was still very painful and took days to process. I often felt that other people would work through bumps in the road within a day and for me, well, it was much longer.
For a while, I justified my negativity.
It allowed me to see problems before they came. I prepared for the bad things, I accounted for them and still they hurt me deeply.
It’s embarrassing how long it took me to realize that my negative expectations were creating negative outcomes. Even though a negative perception yielded dreadful experiences, it was easy to fall into a negative pattern. I believed it kept me from pain. In order to remind myself how much my negativity poorly impacted my life, I made a list to remind myself of just that: