What does self-worth look like?
Our culture rewards dominance.
Someone must always be on top. Someone must always be overpowering another person. Someone must always be weaker. These are the values of a society that needs to push other people down in order to feel good. Our society is crumbling, People are fighting back for their independence, for their equality. The people I see who have succeeded in this fight are not the people you might think.
They are the people who are quiet when being yelled at. Laughing while jumping in a puddle, and crying when others are hurt. They are people with self-worth. People who understand that external forces cannot make them happy or feel loved. People who feel so loved on their own, from their own self, that they bring this energy to everyone around them.
They do not feel the need to yell when being yelled at because they are calm. They laugh when jumping into a puddle because they have child like wonder for all of the beauty in the entire world. They cry when others are hurt because they have true empathy for other's pain and understand the journey from pain to love. People with self-worth, are so strong in themselves that they do not need other people's opinions to decide how to feel. They know their own worth. They know their own value and therefore, the remarks of others, cannot change how they interact with the world. They interact fully and openly. Without fear. Because self-love = strength. and without it, it is too easy to crumble over every obstacle in life, over every hardship, every loss.
I have been trying to help a friend increase her sense of self-worth.
I have been trying to show her that when she values herself, she will never need another person to prove that she is loved. She will never need to surround herself with friends to prove that she is lovable and she will always be able to say NO whenever something does not suite her.
But how can you show someone they have self-love and self-worth?
This is a letter
to all those who are like my friend. Broken and unsure how to survive in a world of dominance, power, and pain. Those who need a partner to prove they are loved. Those who need friends to prove they are interesting and valuable. Those who say yes to everyone accept themselves.
It is time to value you.
As a child, we are shown Disney movies. The princess needing to be saved by the prince who fights majestically for her. Then they get married, have a child, and live happily every after.
The princess needs the prince to save her. The prince needs the princess to need him. And after all of this fierce needing and valiant mission, everyone is supposed to be calm and happy and skip off into the sunset.
Yes this is a dramatization of one story, but did you disagree when I described it? No! I agreed with it too. I had to condition myself out of this belief. Women do not need to be saved by anyone. Men do not need to be the strong savior. It is this idea of need to be this and need to be that, that has followed us throughout are lives and brought us into dark waters.
What is so wrong with simply being ourselves?
What is so wrong with helping when we are able and asking for help? This deep sense of need that I see plaguing so many relationships is painfully toxic.
This is why I decided to designate an entire month for focusing on why it’s so important to value themselves and how to do it because I find that it is the core of so many problems especially for women. It is the reason that they allow themselves to be taken advantage of. It is the reason they don’t know when they can say no. It is the reason that when something terrible happens, they are broken. See because we are human. We are part of this earth. We are not meant to be sad and in pieces. People have survived slavery and genocide and terrible abuse. We are survivors. We are meant to survive. I think one of the most pure ways of surviving is true value in ourselves, When you put limits on the depths to which someone else can abuse you, you add an exponential amount of joy peace and safety to your own life. When you know what you are worth, you know when to say no. When you know what you are worth. you decide how to allow someone to treat you. And when you know your value you do not need anyone.
Only you know what you need. Only you can give yourself exactly what you desire.
You know a lot of people like to say that they come into this world alone causing people to spend the rest of their lives searching for connection. A connection as strong and powerful as the connection a child had in the womb with their mother so that they will not have to be alone again. And while that could be beautiful in its own depressing way I don’t believe this is true.
We all do come into this world truly alone.
We can never be with another person for every second of every day and that’s absolutely beautiful because that means we have to trust ourselves and we have to trust our minds to fulfill us to make us feel enough to make us feel beautiful to make us feel strong and to make us happy. And I think that’s amazing. The mind can hold so much. It can contemplate so many things at once, analyze problems and remember more than you think possible. What could you figure out if you took the week alone? What could you figure out if you took the month alone? Could you even imagine being alone? No, most people can’t. So they attempt, for their entire lives, to find someone who will show them that they matter. To find someone who will show them that they care about them. And to find someone who will prove that they have worth.
So let me put this question to you this way,
Would you rather search your entire life for a person who will show you that you are enough? Or would you rather be so completely in love with yourself and who you are and your abilities that you will never need another person again? What is more desirable to you? What is preferable?
A lot of people have said that they would prefer to love themselves so that they never have to need anyone ever again.
Then they will say that it is impossible.
So I challenge you, for the next week/month. Find someone who is calm. peaceful and loves themselves. Find the person who does NOT get angry all of the time. Find the person who is CALM seemingly always and find the person who laughs full of JOY at the littlest things. This person sees the beauty of the world because they see the beauty in themselves.
I hope, if nothing else, this post made you think. This post has begun to open your mind to the possibility of better, of peace without our heart and throughout your environment. This month of May we are honoring mothers, honoring women, and honoring ourselves. Join me next week for the meaning of self-worth, why its a necessity and how to cultivate it.
Please write in the comments if you agree/disagree with this post or have any questions about anything said.