Tip Three: Being okay means loving yourself
[Extra video content at the end of the post! It's nice to hear someone speak live and from the heart, isn't it? :)]
The truth of the universe hits you when you face the toughest times of your life.
Mine slammed into me when I felt lonely surrounded by people who loved me. Now, how could that be?
How could it be that when I was out to dinner with a group of friends, I still felt out of place and lonely?How could it be that when I was with family, I still felt like the ugly duckling? and How could it be that when other people thought they were doing so much to show me love, I just did not feel it?
It took me a VERY long time to realize that the problem was ME, my way of thinking. Now, I'd like to show all of you how the way we think can hurt us.
See I tried different kinds of experiences. When I kept getting hurt, I tried staying away from people and then when that did not work, I switched gears completely and tried getting out of my comfort zone by being close to people.
I took the time to connect with others to make myself feel loved, so why did I still felt lonely?
Have you experienced this too? Message me. I'd love to bond through our struggles :)
Society tells us that having many friends, things, and experiences validates you as a person. Therefore, having all of these things should make me feel whole and worthy. What happens when you have all of these things and you still don't feel worthy?
You can travel every month, going to every continent in one year, or backpacking across all of Europe. If your intention is to do what everyone else seems to enjoy, self-love and self-worth will not come.
I started wondering, why do I and so many others, even have this problem of self-love and self-worth. Was it just not talked about decades or even centuries ago or is this a modern age problem?
After reading and researching I found some interesting things. This problems that many highly sensitives face has only been exacerbated by the modern age.
Let's go through four of them.
- Awareness of our own insignificance is the first problem. Being able to connect and reach billions of people reminded us that we can be replaceable.
- Advances in technology and machinery revealed to us someone better at the thing we thought we were good at.
- Having systems in place to provide us with the food that we eat took away the importance we felt on having to provide for our own selves.
- The evolution of religion into so many different revisions skewed the original message of a higher power and made us feel wholly imperfect no matter how hard we tried.
These concepts cultivated this lack of value and self-worth people feel. They are dangerous feelings. They are tough to admit to, to tackle, and change. So of course, I want to tackle them.
Are you ready to be free of self-hatred?
#1 Awareness of our own insignificance is the first problem. Being able to connect and reach billions of people reminded us that we can be replaceable.
It's so easy to assume that we can be replaceable when we see so many similar people and so many people who have the same talents and skills that we do. But as a highly sensitive person, I never felt similar to anyone else. I didn't feel like anyone understood me and that made me feel like an outsider. So this idea already nullified #1. We are VERY different as highly sensitive people and NO ONE can take those differences away from us. So instead of being like the majority, fighting to fit in or follow everyone else's rules. Why don't we embrace the fact that we are so different? We shouldn't even feel different because 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive. But being sensitive is still a taboo topic. I implore you to find a highly sensitive group on Facebook. I'm a part of one and its fantastic. It's amazing to realize that so many people have literally the same exact problems I have had.
#2 Advances in technology and machinery revealed to us someone better at the thing we thought we were good at.
I love this one because it was such a problem for me when I was starting my business. Why should I try to do something thats been done before? After talking to a number of people I realized something amazing though. Why did I think that there wasn't enough people in the world to make my business successful and a fellow peer's business successful? Knowing about how huge the world is should make me realize that theres millions of people who can want something and still millions more who can want the same exact thing from someone else. I mean there are what, millions? billions? of nail salons. People still go and do their nails at each and every one of them!! There are thousands upon thousands of Chinese food places in the states (you know what I'm going to say) people still eat at each and every one!!! There is no under-abundance. There is actually over-abundance. All you have to do is reach out and take it.
#3 Having systems in place to provide us with the food that we eat took away the importance we felt of having to provide for our own selves.
I love this one too. I mean food is soooo my thing. I do passionately mean it when I say it though. Being able to provide for yourself its extremely fulfilling. Have you ever been hungry, and no, not went out to buy your own food, but actually decided to make something for yourself? The time and effort alone are huge, but its unbelievably satisfying at the end. Even if it tastes terrible (which really does happen to me a lot). It's still more satisfying and fulfilling to make something for myself, care for myself. Can you start to see the pattern of what I've been talking about here?
#4 The evolution of religion into so many different revisions skewed the original message of a higher power and made us feel wholly imperfect no matter how hard we tried.
This one really really gets me cheesed (Grace and Frankie reference for any fans out there ;) ) and I know that it is a very controversial topic. So instead of debating which religion is right. I'd like to mention a few things. First, all religions say do to others as you would do unto yourself. Second, all of them say that excess is well BAD. Third, all of them say to respect all people around you because all people are equal. Fourth, no one can judge you but 'the man in the sky' and yourself.
So what's the point I'm trying to make here? ooooh I think you're going to like this.
- We are all cut from the same cloth. We all could have ended up exactly the same if our circumstances were different.
- We all just want to be loved.
- We all just want to feel like we matter
- We all want to be validated and accepted by the people around us.
I know a number of people who are grandparents and still do not understand or believe this concept. They still carry hatred and negativity for others in their hearts. I'm using this post to ask them, Are you happy? Do you feel loved? Do you feel fulfilled?
I also already know the answer to all those questions is NO.
When you choose to love yourself, and I mean really decide to. Other people can see it. Other people can feel it. It emanates from everything that you are. So how do you learn to love yourself?
Tell yourself these phrases each and every day that:
You are worthy.
You are valuable. Simply because you are breathing.
No one can give you your worth and no one can take it away.
Love from others should supplement the love you have for yourself.
That's it. It really is. It is everything that that needs to be said, thought and felt. All of the power you already need is inside of you. It takes time to make these sentences your new reality. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of self-healing (I'd love to help you with this!). You have all of the tools and strength to do this for yourself.
I trust that these sentences will change your life. They have changed mine.
And now its time for the extra video content! Listen to me explain a bit more about how exactly to focus on loving yourself and to make it your reality. Then don't forget to join me on Instagram live 4/10/18 @ OneSensitive